Thursday, December 16, 1999


Reckoning

The Love of God.

I look at my beautiful 16 month old daughter, flaming red-hair and dazzling blue eyes inherited from her Daddy, and watch her straddle in the front yard towards a tiny flower sprouting among the grass. She bends her cute little knees in an effort to reach the flower, and plucks a solitary petal from it.

Right then and there, that endearing image burned itself into my memory, to be kept forever and ever within my mind and my soul, just like a camera blazes an imprint into a thin piece of film in an instant.

Now, many hours later into the wee night, I began processing the image, just like developing and printing the film. When that image of Alyssa in the yard came into view with stunning clarity and impact, my heart soared and my eyes welled.

This is my daughter, a child of my own. A piece of me. A part of my soul. All there, right in front of me in the yard...

At last, I understood the fierce and undying love that comes with being a father. Oh, I knew it all this time since the day she came into my life, but today was a day of reckoning.

You see, when I feel that fierce burning love for her, I soar into the heavens and feel entirely whole, radiating complete understanding, happiness, and love. So much so, it feels like an infinite explosion, expanding infinitely into the universe.

It is during those times that I truly know where God is coming from. Love. It conquers all, and it is the true language of God. Undying, everlasting, wholesome love. That's all you need to understand.

My reckoning is this: I wish I could feel like that all the time, every day, every minute, and every second of my life. And then I would be living (or loving?) in total bliss. I see those wise men and women, apostles all, and now I understand the total state of bliss and connection they feel.

The love I have for my darling Alyssa is always there, and always will be.The question is, why doesn't it totally encompass my life for every single second? Better yet, why don't I make it happen?

At least, now, I have a goal to strive for. To love like that, like God, to not just my daughter but to every single person in my life. Just think how much better my life would be and the impact it could have on everyone else around me.

That, to me, is the ultimate goal you can strive for and at the same time it will bring you ever closer to God, because you will be following his example.

Love,

Ray